How do you perceive conflict in your relationship? How do you handle it when it comes up? How effectively do you and your partner discuss issues of conflict?

One of the traps many couples fall into is discussing (or, in some cases, jumping from discussion right to “fighting about”) surface-level examples of underlying problems.

https://lovingwomen.org/fi/blog/treffisivustot-vakaville-suhteille/

For example, perhaps a couple argues regularly because Lovebird A doesn’t help with tasks around the house without Lovebird B asking them to do it. The issue continues to come up repeatedly because they’re discussing something very specific (emptying the dishwasher, taking out the garbage) rather than the underlying concern: Lovebird B doesn’t feel a sense of partnership in taking care of their home.

It’s important to discuss the actual issues coming up in a relationship, rather than getting stuck talking in circles about a surface-level symptom of the real problem at hand.

6. Listen first

But when we choose to listen first (meaning: listen to our partner before asking them to listen to us), we’re focusing our energy on paying attention to our partner and what they’re trying to communicate to us-which means we’re more likely to actually hear what they’re trying to tell us. And that, in turn, means we’re more likely to be able to show understanding, compassion, and help resolve the issue they are trying to discuss.

7. meet in the middle

“Meeting in the middle” has to come with a quick disclaimer, because there are some things that are firm non-negotiables for people in a relationship. (For example, exclusivity isn’t really something that can be met in the middle-if one person wants a monogamous relationship and one person wants an open relationship, there’s not a happy middle ground there.)

(altro…)