What to Do with a Serial Cheater
A friendship with someone of the opposite sex unexpectedly turned into a romantic relationship and once it happened, they felt that it couldn’t be stopped
A few years ago, a man came to my home with a document that he wanted to give me. It was entitled, “How to Seduce a Woman.” He had spent most of his adult life cheating on his wife, and had recorded what he had learned in this manuscript. But after reading some of my articles on the suffering that cheating causes a betrayed spouse, he was convinced that what he had been doing was very wrong, and had decided to leave his life of cheating behind. He had confessed all of his affairs to his wife, had shown her what he had written, and was about to destroy it, but he thought that I might somehow find his experiences valuable in helping serial cheaters change their ways.
I never saw this man again, so I’m not sure if he was able to completely overcome serial cheating, but his report demonstrated to me that he, like most serial cheaters, went about his business of cheating with skill and careful planning. He learned from his successes and failures and became so proficient that he felt that he could seduce almost any woman, even my wife, Joyce, if he chose to do it. I didn’t want to challenge him on that point.
A couple once came to me with a tragic, yet somewhat humorous story. The husband had been playing baseball and was hit by a ball that broke his jaw. As he lay in the hospital with his jaw wired shut, a woman came to visit him. It was someone with whom he had been having an affair. Unable to talk, he tried to explain with hand motions that it was not a good time for her to visit him. But then, a few minutes later, another woman appeared. She was also having an affair with him. It didn’t take long for the two women to figure it out and as they were arguing with each other, his wife entered the room. Neither of the women knew that he was married. His wife learned for the first time that she was married to a serial cheater.
I define a serial cheater as a married person who willfully and deliberately has had more than one extramarital mujeres americanas vs alemanas romantic relationship.
Most of the over 10,000 cases of infidelity that I have witnessed have not involved serial cheating because these unfaithful spouses were not trying to have an affair. But when it was over, most of them saw it as a terrible mistake. They certainly didn’t want to repeat that ordeal, so they learned how to avoid affairs in the future by following the extraordinary precautions that I recommend.
But serial cheaters don’t regard an affair as a mistake. For them, it’s an achievement – something they can be proud of doing. So the difference between most of the cases of infidelity that I have witnessed and serial cheating is a matter of initial intent.
Serial cheaters intend to cheat before the onset of a relationship, while most unfaithful spouses do not intend to have an affair until they have fallen in love
While serial cheaters all intend to cheat, they vary greatly in their ability. The man who came to my house was an accomplished cheater. According to his claim, he could seduce just about any woman. But most serial cheaters are not that good at what they do. They try to hook up at bars, shopping centers, and even church with just enough success to keep them going. But to help these people avoid the embarrassment of multiple rejection, and even lawsuits, websites, like Ashley Madison, provide some help by bringing cheating spouses that are not very skilled together. These men and women find it to be an easy way to cheat without having to develop much talent.
